Bad Days?

Do you ever find that when your having a bad day that you just want the world to turn off? To not bother you? Do you ever find it that when your really annoyed you don't want to talk to anybody and then anything and everything they do makes you feel really, really, annoyed? Yeah! Me too! At least this is how I am feeling right now. I have had a bad day and it all starts with poetry. Now I am not the best writer but a few weeks ago I wrote a love poem for an assignment. I get to class today to find out that no one liked it and all they had was negative comments. So that was that. Then I come home to my mom yelling at me for no apparent reason. So that was that. My boyfriend just got a new web cam for his laptop and he is having a lot of fun with it. He tends to move it around a lot to make it seem like your flying and sure I am glad that he is having fun with it but when your having a conversation you would probably like to see his face. Not his room. So that has been bugging me. It's just lately we have been arguing lots and its really getting to me. On top of that I have school to worry about and College is so much harder then high school. I am just feeling really overwelmed and insecure right now.

B

Lost

You never know how much you love someone until you almost lose them. You never know how much you want something until you almost lose it. This is life. We take so many thing for granted that we just don't realize what we have lost until we have lost it. So lets be thankful for what we have.

Do I ever listen?

Ok, So my boyfriend decided that the only way that we could hang out today was if we did some sort of exercise. So he asked me if I wanted to go for a run. I am a total fitness nut and I am very active and very fit, so I jumped the gun and agreed to go with him. Yes, I know very stupid idea since today it was raining....HARD! So we ran, in the pouring rain, for about 30 minutes. And of course there was me a child at heart jumping in every puddle that I saw. Not only did I get my shirt and shorts wet but my shoes and socks were soaked....but it was still a lot of fun. I mean how often do you get to run, jump in puddles and kiss your boyfriend in the rain. I mean when do we ever get to be a "kid" again? It was totally worth the numb legs and hands but let me tell you it took a long time to warm up after that. I went back to my boyfriends house and I was so wet and cold and red everywhere, I looked like a freaking tomato. So I showered and that still didn't warm me up. So my boyfriend made hot chocolate and we ended up watching a movie. It took me 5 blankets, plus hot chocolate plus a fire to warm me up. Did I mention I totally sprained my ankle in the process. But the cold and the pain was totally worth the awesome day out. So much for that homework. Oh well :D

College.

First year of College and let me tell you it's not easy. I thought it would be a piece of cake, I thought that I was smart enough to take 5 courses. I was wrong, 5 courses is a lot and with 4 mid-terms the pressure is more than I can handle. I spend most of my days either at school or home doing homework or studying. Yeah, it sucks but thats life. Right? You gotta do what you gotta do and I need a job, therefore that means I get to suffer through another 4-5 years of hard work but in the end it will be worth it. It will be worth it to get out in the real world and start living my life. But in the mean time I might go crazy, so please lock me up if need be.

B

Who am I?

As a person, it's hard to find yourself. It's even harder when you you have no parents. You wonder where you were born, when you were born, you wonder what you looked like as a child. I'm 18 years old, I don't know my parents, I don't know my grandparents, I don't know any of my aunts, uncles or cousins. I was abandoned when I was two years old. My parents were addicted to drugs and alcohol, I was placed into Foster home after Foster Home. When I was three I found a home, I found two people who loved me. I found my new family. Trying to do a family tree in Anthropology today was hard. I kep questioning myself and the family that I had. Then my boyfriend reasured me that I have family and friends who care about me deeply. I realized right then and there that I didn't care if I knew them or not, I was okay with not know, I was okay with the person that I have become. I know who I am, I know what I was brought here for and I know what I live for.