Recovery

Why is it that people think recovery from an Eating Disorder is all fun and games. That it's one path you walk down and it's a simple path. One that has no ups and downs. One that is perfect. Well it's not. It's not anything like that. Recovery is like a roller coaster. You have your ups and your downs. You'll have good weeks and bad weeks. Recovery is not a straight path.

As for me, I'm doing okay. I'm hanging in. I've been having a lot of trouble over the last few months and things have been hard. School is very stressful right now as I'm having trouble focusing. My eating disorder is not doing so well. I'm really struggling with it right now. I'm in group therapy, I have a medical doctor and a nutritionist and I also have a therapist. But it doesn't make things easier. I just want to hide behind my ED so that' I don't have to face this hard, cruel world. Because it's not easy.

Stay Strong <3

Goodbye

Short post today:

All I have to say is that I wish I could go back to the time where everything was okay. To a time where I was okay. To a time where I didn't have to say goodbye.

"I will see you again, this is not where it ends, I will carry you with me"

"You'll get there someday"

Hello Y'all!

It's been some time since I have done an update so I thought I would get on it.

First of all I'll do a quick update on where I am at with my Eating Disorder. First of all I was doing really well with recovery until I stepped on a scale. I know I shouldn't have done it but I did and it had a very negative affect on me. Then I had a woman come into work and call me fat and then proceed to tell me that I should live off lettuce and water. That didn't really help either. So now I'm back to restricting again. It's like an endless cycle but I'm going to continue to work towards recovery. I know that I can get there again.

Anyways onto a happier note, I moved into a basement suite of my own on June 1st! It's been great :D I love being on my own, freedom is awesome :) However it doesn't really help my ED because now I have complete control as to what I eat, how much I eat and when I eat.

That's it for now :)

<3

“It doesn’t matter how slowly you go, so long as you don't stop”

Hello all :)

I thought I would just do a quick update because I promised myself I would blog at least once a week and so far it is not going as planned.

As you know I am trying to recover from my Eating Disorder but it is not an easy process. I have to deal with a lot of emotions and suppressed memories in order to get down to the root cause of my Eating Disorder. I'm currently in therapy and I am expected to talk a lot about my problems and I hate talking to strangers so it's not going so well. So I am considering going in-patient at St. Paul's Hospital for 3 weeks into their Eating Disorder Clinic. This idea was brought up by my counselor and I'm not really sure if I really want to spend three weeks in the hospital. However, it would be beneficial to me as it would medically stabilize me and help me with those "eating disorder" thoughts. Again this is just a maybe.

On a brighter note tomorrow I am moving to a basement suite of my own! Eventually I will get a roommate but for now it is all mine :) I want to send out a big thank you to all of you who have helped me get things for my place (You know who you are). It is greatly appreciated!!!!

Stay Strong <3

"Fall down seven times, stand up eight'

Hello, Hello, 

So I realize that I haven't done an entry in a really long time so I thought that now would be a good time. So I thought as far as updating goes I would talk about my eating disorder. Because of recent photo's on facebook with a friend about my Eating Disorder (a recovery photo) it's kind of out there that I have one. Which is totally fine. I also wanted to write this because lately I've had quite a few people judging me and treating me quite badly because they do not understand the concept of an eating disorder and the issues and struggles around it.

An Eating disorder is quite isolating and I'm going to post a message from a friend that understand what I'm going on and is very supportive. The words below (in purple) describe quite nicely how isolating an Eating Disorder can be. This is where people don't understand what is happening and start to judge you. I have had this done personally and it doesn't help your Eating Disorder. But lucky for me I have amazing friends that support me in all aspects of my life.

"You stress easily, and when that happens you kind of close yourself off from people, making it seem like you're moody. Or if you have something on your mind then you don't talk about it to most people, so it just builds up." 

This is how I describe my Eating Disorder: 

My eating disorder did not start with my body image. It started as a place to store the emotions I didn't want to deal with. Somehow I have always found something self destructive to store my emotions into (self-harm, the eating disorder, shutting down/off from the world, etc). The depression will have its ups and downs, as will my eating. So I guess I can only describe my eating disorder as the storage space for my unwanted emotions. I leave them there and deal with the fines I have to pay (physical health effects) until I lose the space and have to deal with the emotions or they have been thrown away.

I will update in a week or so :) To all those out there that struggle with an Eating Disorder, Stay Strong <3

Update

I guess it's time to say Happy New Year and to apologize for my lack of communication. It has been awhile since I last posted.

I thought I would post a quick update and do a real entry on the weekend when I have time. So, School has started and I am taking four classes. I`m taking two Criminology and two Psychology classes so I am really busy with school. On top of that I am working four days a week and volunteering twice a week. So all in all I am pretty busy and pretty stressed.

However, that didn`t stop me from signing up for gymnastic lessons that start in Feb and go until the end of June.

I also bought myself a pet hamptser :)

The Facts of Life.

Copywrite.

The Facts of Life

The world’s oldest living rose is believed

to be 100 years old. True love is blind

and it only happens once in a lifetime. Did

you know that an ostrich’s eyes is bigger

then it’s brain? With and irresistible cocktail

of chemicals our brain entices us to fall

in love. Two people never see the same

rainbow and therefore each observer

sees a different rainbow. There are a

group of birds known as nearly flightless

and just like being in love you never want

to leave the person you love. You  are born

with 300 bones but by the time you are

an adult, you only have 206. Just like

a broken bone a broken heart needs

time to heal.  Because metal was

scarce, the Oscars given out in WWII

were made out of wood. Kissing is

actually healthier than shaking someone’s

hand. 1% of businesses allow their employers

to take naps during the working hours. If

your truly in love with a person you’ll

treasure the moments where you lay

your head on his chest and fall asleep.

The shortest war in history was between

Zanzibar and England lasting 38 minutes.

You can never be mad at the person you

love for too long, you will always find it

in your heart to forgive them. Right handed

people live on average nine years longer

then left handed people. The sun sets,

the moon comes out, the stars

Come alive and we are left with our memories,

Left to cry, left to laugh and left to bury

our sorrows deep into the ground.